The Fallacy of Instinct

There's a "fact" people throw around that fear is the most inherent instinct to living organisms. I believe evidence points to the contrary. The easiest example is in children. Baby animals readily adopt foreign species parents, children must be taught NOT to jump off high places, or eat dangerous things, or go home with strangers. Fear begets caution and must be taught through instruction or personal experience. Observation would suggest, however, there is a different instinct which drives survival—love. There's an impression that love is this evasive concept that "you just know", or it's this kind of love and not that kind of love, but I defend that it's pretty easy to define and identify, and there's only one. Let's explore. 

The classic example of a parent, who loves the children, sacrifices for their survival and success. Animals love their offspring to preserve the species instinctively. Parents teach caution passively or actively, instruction or demonstration, to avoid predators, injury and poison. The more energy these parents spend on the offspring, the more we can say they are loving, because energy is transferred. It is taken from self-seeking/preserving measures, and transferred to the other entity = sacrifice. It isn't simply being willing to die for another, though animals demonstrate this as well. When a predator approaches the nest, the parent will act as bait to draw them away. Even if the parent dies, one or more of the children have a chance to survive and multiply, increasing the likelihood of survival for the species. Likewise, in species where both parents work together, one parent hunts for food not just for itself, but spends extra time to bring additional food for the entire family. This is love.

Not all species identifiably love. Some have strong defense equipment at birth, or high egg- fertilization counts to ensure survival. Humans do not have these mechanisms, but at some point, it was deduced that our species is inherently selfish—that fear is to follow our instincts, and love is to deny them. It's been a damaging fallacy. How can the most incapacitating emotion (fear - of failure - of rejection - of commitment - of abandonment) be instinct? It can't. Fear keeps the deer in the headlights because it incapacitates comprehension and strategy, undermining survival. Fear is an implementation of childhood lessons. We go to therapy to remove this "instinct,” because removing fear always brings health,  empowerment, success, ingenuity, and the capacity to access the real instinct of love. It's from a love for the species, pride in being human, the we have evolved. When love is not given and received, it leads to destruction of the species (tyranny) and destruction of self (despair). Even when individuals suffer the crises caused by a lack of love, this often spawns art which fosters the healing of many: love. Our inventions come from a place of investing a single life towards bettering the lives of many: love.With regard to romance, we would all benefit from a more present awareness of love verses attraction. In my previous post, I discussed attraction in depth. I argue there is one love expressed in degrees: devoting the most time and energy (including bread-winning) towards the wellness and success of one's partner and children than to friends and coworkers, etc.

Attraction and sexuality are the indicators of solidarity and personal development. For example, we accept that to love your children is appropriate, but to be attracted to your children is not. The problem is not the love, it's errors in the personal development driving the attraction. Similarly, people who find themselves in abusive relationships repeatedly might be good at loving, but their attraction is likely due to regular exposure to abuse as children, and thus find the abusive nature familiar, and easy to understand.Love should also not be confused with nicety. Love utilizes all the skills available and knowledge of the environment to promote the thriving of others. This is why spoiling a child is not love. Teaching a child that they should always be happy, satisfied and dependent for everything does not equip them for survival and procreation. Love requires wisdom to teach patience and boundaries; norms and protest; measuring risk and cost.

In summary, it is through a deeper connection with the inherent instinct of love, teaching wisdom instead of fear, that we can each participate in the survival, education and evolution of humanity as a species.